I…I can’t even begin to comprehend what happened. I REFUSE to comprehend what happened.
Five interceptions.
The Houston Texans got five interceptions off of Jared Goff and the Detroit Lions tonight. Apparently, for the Texans to win, they needed a sixth interception that never materialized.
Ordinarily, if you saw that one team gave up five, I repeat, FIVE interceptions, you would understandably think that it was a blowout against them.
You would somehow be mistaken because the Houston Texans did not manage to capitalize on all those errors. The defense held their own for as long as they possibly could, especially after injuries to Kamari Lassiter and Foley Fatukasi, to say nothing of Will Anderson Jr.’s absence due to an ankle injury last week.
Excuse me a second.
::leaves room::
WHY DID TYTUS HOWARD STRIP SACK HIS OWN QUARTERBACK?!!?!
::returns::
Sorry about that.
The Texans started hot in the first half, ending the Lions’ first drive early with a pick; again, the first of FIVE interceptions. That would be taken to the house with a drive capped off by a Joe Mixon run, his best run of the game.
Sorry, one moment.
::leaves room::
A DRAW ON THIRD AND TEN?! GOT DANG IT BOBBY SLOWIK!
::returns::
Where was I?
Oh, right. The Texans’ next three drives would all result in field goals putting the Texans up 16-7 (oh, right the Lions scored at some point too).
The half would end with a beautiful drive ending in a touchdown pass to John Metchie, who had his best game as a Houston Texan to date.
And then the second half happened.
The Texans got the ball to start the half which lasted maybe 30 seconds as Stroud threw an interception on the first play in the second half.
I’m not going to lie to y’all, I kind of disassociated most of the second half.
Sorry, just remembered Tytus Howard strip sacking his own quarterback again, gotta go scream.
The Lions drew even with the Texans to put the score at 23-23.
Hey, fun fact, did y’all know the Texans haven’t scored a second half touchdown since week 6 against the Patriots?
Wait, one more time.
::leaves room::
OF [KITTENING] COURSE FAIRBAIRN MISSES THE GO-AHEAD FIELD GOAL AT THE END! OF COURSE HE DID!
::returns::
Anyway, you get the idea. The Texans lost to the Lions 26-23. I don’t want to think about this, or really anything, anymore.
The Texans did not deserve to win this game. Five interceptions be [kitten]ed, when the offense goes as cold as the Texans’ did in the second half, they have no right to a win here.
This was an embarrassment, and an absolute waste of a yeoman defensive effort which yielded, I cannot emphasize this enough, five interceptions.