Houston Texans send statement with resounding victory over Jacksonville Jaguars

This was the feel good game of the year, so far.

What a game. What an absolute triumph of a game. The Texans won their first game of the season and it wasn’t even particularly close for most of the game; a resounding 37-17 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars. I don’t want to regale you with too much flowery prose to start with because you’re gonna want to read about the Houston Texans first win of the season below. Enjoy!

The Texans started with the ball and quickly went three and out followed by the Jags appearing to march the ball down the field at will. But the defense stepped up, and stopped the Jags, forcing them to kick a field goal that went comically wide right.

Rookie QB C.J. Stroud continued to impress with his poise and his ability to push the ball down field by completing a 46-yard bomb to fellow rookie Tank Dell. Dameon Pierce would punch it in on the next play for a one-yard touchdown, putting the Texans up 7-0.

The Jags would later try to kick another field goal when their drive stalled once more. This time rookie edge rusher Will Anderson blocked the kick, leading to the Texans taking over at the Jaguars’ 41-yard line.

The Texans would then march down the field culminating in a touchdown pass from Stroud to Mr. December himself, Brevin Jordan, to put the Texans up 14-0.

On a later drive, Texans safety Eric Murray, yes THAT Eric Murray, would force a fumble that would be recovered by Blake Cashman at the Texans’ 32-yard line.

After a long review of a Tank Dell catch where he somehow managed to keep a toe in to keep the drive going, the Texans would move on to end the half with a 28-yard field goal, putting them up 17-0.

Jacksonville got the ball to start the second half and, thanks to a dumb pass interference penalty on Jimmie Ward, score on a Tank Bigsby run, putting the Jags on the board 17-7.

Then they followed that up with a field goal, putting them down by a touchdown to the good guys 17-10.

And then a miracle happened.

Andrew Beck, the Texans’ fullback, muffed the kickoff, recovered it and then returned the ball 85 yards for a touchdown, putting the Texans back up 24-10. It was the first kickoff returned for a touchdown for the Texans since December 2021.

The quarter would end with Blake Cashman picking off an errant Trevor Lawrence pass.

Pass interference on Jimmie Ward leads to first and goal at one for Jags. Bigsby with TD. Texans lead 17-7.

Stupid penalties and bad defensive play.

Jags stopped for a 33-yard FG. 17-10 Texans.

The Jags have an answer for the Texans, Texans NEED to find a way to respond, and fast.

Andrew Beck with the 85-yard kickoff return for a touchdown! And in related news, unicorns are real! Texans lead 24-10. (laughing for five minutes). First kickoff return TD for Texans since December 2021.

Here is a gif interpretation of said Andrew Beck touchdown run, followed by the real thing.

To end the quarter Blake Cashman would pick off an errant Trevor Lawrence pass.

The drive would stall for the Texans leading to a Fairbairn FG to put the Texans up 27-10.

Here is where the game would briefly turn into a slugout.

Trevor Lawrence threw a well-no-[kitten] 26-yard touchdown pass to Christian Kirk to pull within 10 of the lead.

Stroud would respond with his own well-no-[kitten] 68-yard touchdown pass of his own to Tank Dell.

Fairbairn would see the field one last time with a field goal to put the Texans ahead by 20, 37-17, and that is how the game would finish.

The Texans get their first win of the season and it was a statement game to boot.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to write an apology email to C.J. Stroud for ever doubting him in the first place.